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The Most Corrupt Man of India Commits Suicide

New Delhi: In not so strange circumstances, LOLu Kaput, 64, a resident of Karol Baug was found dead in his own villa. The post mortem report confirms that it was a suicide and Kaput died of drug overdose. Its not the suicide that has caught everyone’s attention in the Maximum Crime Capital but its the letter that was found with Kaput. It said, as reported by Bikhra Butt, that Kaput claimed himself to be the most corrupted man ever on the planet.

The exact copy of the letter is quoted below:
Not so Dear World, 
I am committing a suicide because I am sick of all these ‘India Against Corruption’ movement taken up by Anna Hazare. And I blame Anna Hazare and his Team Anna entirely but up to  a greater extent. I had hopes and trust in the government (that’s why I voted for them) but the agitation had shaken the hopes and trust. I had trust in the opposition but as always the opposition has been useless, for both Anna and me.

What will happen if corruption gets uprooted? Will there be roads everywhere? Will everyone be treated equally? Will reservation be abolished? Will the Patels ever get women (girls) to marry? Will scams like Satyam stop? No, na? Then why the hell is everyone after this bloody Lokpal? 
Why does everyone ought to have problem if I travel without tickets every single time and never get caught. I even pity the fools who get caught. Pretty dumb. Why do I have to pay 5 rupees for a ticket from Karol Baug to Shastri Nagar, I don’t even know what the exact fare is! India is a free nation, then why can’t the ticket and and everything else be free? I am sick of all their things and principles. 
I very well know that this Lokpal “will not finish” corruption but its the agitation that's driving me crazy. I am in the same situation like Anna – he knows that HIS Lokpal will never get passed but is still fighting. 
My final message for the world: people – get back to work, Anna – someone please give him McD’s or Sodexho’s free meal pass, he gravely needs them. Kiran Bedi and your ghunghat act – You acted like a buffoon and called your act as a game changer. Pity. Pity. Pity. You not only insulted the politicians but our entire corrupt clan. We don’t work under the table or behind the screens to save our faces as you meant, it is our style, we like the way it is and has been. Why don’t blame Batman even though he comes out in… (not underwear you dirty mind!) … night? No? Because it is his style and we all love him. 
Finally I leave behind my autobiography for the world to learn something from it. Yamraj be ready here I come!! 
Your corruptly, 
LOLu Kaput
Regarding his autobiography,  our sources have said that the government is planning to include it in the curriculum of high school students so that the people, especially the GenNext can realise that the government is not as corrupt as it seems. And shockingly even the opposition has agreed to this ‘initiative.’


Meanwhile some people whom “we” would not like to name had submitted his name to the Guinness Book of World Records. But they rejected it citing that he is dead. UN has decided to change World Anti-Corruption Day to his death day! (Soniaji can now have peaceful nights.) What are your views regarding this? Send them in the comments and they’ll be published here.

P. S. For the sitting ducks: Soniaji's birthday is on World Anti Corruption Day
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